Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.

~Oscar Wilde

The monthly staff meeting was almost over.  John had one more agenda item to cover.  The recent increases in the company’s health plan were, in his judgment, too high to absorb.  “... and so,” John continued, “we will raise the employee contribution by 20% beginning in June.”  Judy raised her hand.  “I disagree”  The silence in the meeting room was deafening.

How often do you hear or say, “I disagree?”  In every office or on every worksite, it is a way of expressing opposition to a person or to an idea.  Everyone, men and women, bosses and employees, with or without valid factual data, occasionally disagree.  “I disagree” almost always causes frustration, annoyance, irritation, and resentment.  In worst case scenarios on-going disagreements, left unchecked, lead to anger, cynicism, negativity, and sarcasm.  Why do people say “I disagree,” and what is really behind that two-word phrase?  And, in an attempt to move forward, what can you do to remove the roadblocks and barriers?

According to Tom Harvey, a conflict management expert, “Conflict should occur in organizations.  The presence of conflict is actually a sign of an effective [team or organization].  Wherever there is a free flow of ideas, creativity, and activity, people are going to butt heads.  If no conflict exists, something is wrong.”  It is important to acknowledge that people will disagree.  Accept the presence of conflict, seek to understand the nature of the disagreements, and take proactive steps to deal with a differing opinion.

What’s Really Going On?

People disagree for many reasons.  Some of the most common reasons  include:  they are surprised by your comments or ideas; they are revisiting the past; there is a power struggle that has not been acknowledged and resolved; they are not prepared to make a decision because they do not have enough facts; and they may truly just have a different opinion.  None of the reasons mentioned are right or wrong.  It is important, though, to try to understand why someone is disagreeing with you and what you can do about it.

Surprise!

Sometimes people are blindsided by a comment, idea, or suggestion.  It is possible that they are just not in the correct frame of mind to really hear what is being said.  It is important to frame your conversation with background information before suggesting a new idea.  Prepare the group or the other person with critical facts.  Be sure to allow time for your idea to set in to try to head off a heated disagreement. 

Revisiting the Past

You may have made some mistakes before you were an “enlightened” manager.  We all have a track record and, without knowing it, you may have bruised some egos along the way in your quest for results-oriented management.  The “disagreement” with which you are faced is really a clumsy attempt by the dissenter to revisit the past.  So the way to clear the air is for you to take a deep breath and then make some time to address and resolve the past grievance.  Until you acknowledge the past, you will never get agreement, let alone full commitment.  

The Power Struggle

Whether you like it or not, office politics exist.  There is a limited amount of resources (time, people, equipment, money) that have to somehow be allocated.  The allocation process is not always perceived as “fair.”  People work, sometimes secretly, to develop relationships and lobby for their fair share of the company’s resources.  That process ultimately leads to disagreements.

I’m Not Ready

Timing plays an important part in people being open to agreeing with your idea, opinion, or initiative.  There are times when others just have too many issues with which they are dealing.  They cannot give you the attention needed to address your needs, so they disagree to buy more time.  This is an opportunity for you to take a strong leadership position.  What you want, more than their cooperation, is their understanding of your position.  By allowing the dissenter to have more time, you increase your chance of gaining an ally and you will have strengthened your relationship with that person. 

I Disagree—But It’s Not Personal

As Tom Harvey stated, it is normal (and healthy) for people to disagree.  It is not personal; they just have a different opinion and perspective that may end up being legitimate and an improvement to what you are trying to accomplish.  Be open to hearing another person’s negative feedback.  In fact, you should ask for their negative feedback to avoid pitfalls and potential errors in your thinking process.

The Zero-Sum Game

We often think that for me to win you have to lose.  There is, however, another way of thinking about how to “cut up the pie.”  But first we must make the pie bigger.  If all options are explored and all opinions are heard, a “win-win” solution can be crafted.  The “pie” ends up being big enough where each person can have his or her fill without the other person going hungry.

It’s Your Move

Whether it’s a power struggle, poor timing, or an unresolved past issue, disagreements will occur in the workplace.  Disagreements should not, or cannot, be ignored.  They are opportunities for clarity which leads to enlightenment.  Thorough preparation and better planning will help open-minded people engage in healthy disagreements.  These healthy disagreements lead to strengthening the relationship, the team, and the organization.