The problem in my life and other peolpe’s lives is not the absence of knowing what to do, but the absence of doing it.       ~Jinny Ditzler, author

Maria vowed to herself to give it one more day.  She dreaded coming to work but she did not want to quit.  It was just that she never seemed to do anything quite right, according to her boss.  He was not abusive, but he rarely had anything pleasant to say other than, "Good morning."  His tone of voice and brusque manner said more than his words.  He seemed to go out of his way to avoid Maria.  "One more day," she said to herself.  "Maybe it will be better today."

It may surprise you (or not) to hear what we, as American managers, are afraid of the most.  What we are deathly afraid of, and what we want to avoid more than anything else, is conflict.  So we ignore problems, thinking they will get better soon or, better yet, go away.  The truth is, just the opposite occurs.  Ignoring problems leads to dissatisfaction, poor customer service, turnover, and absenteeism.  But still we strive to avoid any type of conflict and all of the issues related to conflict.  What we fail to consider, though, is the reality that most conflict does not have to end in flames and destruction.

Successful conflict resolution, properly managed, can usually turn out to be very positive and productive for all involved.  Successful conflict resolution creates win-win results and preserves the dignity of all involved.  Managers must show restraint of authority, be honest and objective, and recognize that not everyone is equal in responsibility, skill level, and power.

We have been taught that there can not be a situation where if I win, you won’t lose.  We learn that someone has to lose for someone else to win.  Most of us were never formally taught how to deal with our anger, frustration, and disappointment in a healthy manner.   We never learned the skill of how to engage in healthy disagreement, or how to get what we want without damaging relationships.  We learned, or didn’t learn, by trial and error.  And then we brought all of our experimentation into the workplace.  The fact of the matter remains that conflict, while uncomfortable for most of us, is actually healthy for individuals and organizations.

One approach to dealing with conflict involving other people with whom you work is to make positive assumptions about them.  In their book Driving Fear Out of the Workplace, Ryan and Oestreich state that the key to dealing with mistrust and conflict is to change your assumptions about the motivations of others.  For example, assume that employees want to take responsiblity for their work and want to do a good job, that they care about their work over and above the money they get paid to perform it, and that they are willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.  It may sound naive to make positive assumptions about others, but it beats the alternative of assuming the worst in others.

We believe that most people go through their work life with good intentions.  But, because we all have our own responsibilities, we sometimes forget that our work and our behavior affect others in our organization.  When an independent event occurs that affects your work, assume that it was not done on purpose to disrupt your life.  Tell the other person, and seek to work out a mutually beneficial solution.  Not every conflict is resolvable, and sometimes we have to agree to disagree.  But at least attempt to deal with a problem before it escalates into an unmanageable mess.

In the meantime, deal with conflict.  Because if you don’t, we promise you it will not get better anytime soon. 

This article is provided as general information and is not intended to substitute for legal or other professional advice.